What is your "why"?

Have you ever done something that you thought was going to be great that didn't go as planned? The end result wasn't what you had hoped for. Or, maybe you just realized you just didn't like doing it. There is a good chance that it is just something that doesn't support your "why" ... your purpose.

As the owner of a small business, others often suggest services we could or should offer in addition to what we do currently. Some of the ideas are great and I do consider them. But, what always makes my decision for me is the answer to this question...

Does this service support our "why"?

Hire A Housewife exists to make a positive difference in people's lives through both our services and our personal connections in ways that other companies can not.

I knew from the beginning that we could do that through cleaning, organizing, running errands, and taking care of other things for clients in order for them to spend their time the way they want to spend it.

Along the way I've shared my story and other encouragement with our clients and really anyone who
would listen, hoping to continue to make that difference.

Late last year I realized that we could also make a positive impact on lives by giving others lessons on cleaning and organizing. This is why I started the "Love Where You Live" program.

This past month I took on a new project. It was something we had never done before. But I was more than willing to try because I knew it would help a good friend. So, Hire A Housewife sorted through several generations of items, decided what should be donated, what should be sold, and what the family might want to keep. Then we ran our first estate sale.

We learned a lot from that sale. The number one thing we learned? Hire A Housewife doesn't run estate sales. Setting up tables, researching, determining monetary value, pricing, and holding a sale... just didn't go well for us.

If you ask the client, she will say nothing but good things about what we did. We made a huge impact for her family. And yet, by the time we were done, I knew it was something I wouldn't do again. The answer why was quickly obvious to me. There are many estate sale companies in the area. That isn't the part of it that made the impact.

Estate sales don't support our "why," but a part of what we did for them does... 

Photo taken by Clifford Braden during WWII What treasure might be hiding in your family's home?

It was the careful sorting through boxes that would have likely ended up in the trash, pulling out things of value, sentimental as well as monetary.

It was saving WWII memorabilia from a grandfather and uncle so that they could be treasured by family.

It was contacting a friend with the Peoria Historical Society and, with the family's permission, taking all the snapshots from that family member's time at war to be digitally archived and preserved before returning them to the family.

It was hugging my friend through her tears as she saw the progress and realized what they might have lost had we not sorted through everything in the house.

A positive impact, on an entire family, that will be felt for generations. 

That is definitely part of our why.

So in addition to asking you what your "why" is today, I want to let you know that if you have a project that you don't have the time or energy for (emotional or physical either one!) give us a call and let us help you out.

You get the best results from someone when the service they are performing supports their why.

So, here's the question... we've told you ours. What is YOUR why?

God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. 

Use them well to serve one another.

~1 Peter 4:10

Come...

I shared this elsewhere, as I do a lot of my personal writing. But I keep feeling like it needs to be shared here as well. If you are reading my blog, you probably know my story. I am pretty open and honest about the fact that I am still in the process of growing and changing, working to become more like the woman God created me to be. 

It's all a process. Everyone has room for improvement. Everyone is on their own journey. I just happen to be more open than most when it comes to sharing my journey to become that woman...

God made me a pretty smart girl.

I have some good ideas from time to time.

If a good idea in a willing servant is God-inspired,

there is very little that can keep it from becoming reality.

As much as I try to be a willing servant

so many "good ideas" have fallen apart for me 

when I tried to take action on them.

Even the ones that I thought would bring Him

the glory He wants and so richly deserves. 

Don't You see that I am trying to do something amazing here?

When people see it, they will give You the glory!

This will prove to so many that it only takes

faith to move mountains. 

Then it doesn't work out, and I am heartbroken.
Tired, depressed, angry, irritated, and unmotivated.
Pray? Why bother? (As if I'm punishing Him.)
Read? I don't feel like it. (As if somehow He will cave to my sulking.)

I'm reading a book, The Extravagant Fool by Kevin Adams. Here is an incident he related in this book between him and his daughter that floored me, probably much like it did Kevin when it happened...

At age four she came bouncing from the bathroom, dripping wet with tears in her eyes, to ask, “Daddy, didn't you say that anything is possible with God if you just believe hard enough?”

“Sure, sweet girl. Absolutely.”

“Well, Daddy . . . I’ve just come from the bathtub, and it was filled up to the top.”

“Uh-huh.” I suddenly imagined myself backhanding the floating chairs, toilet seats, and toothbrushes half submerged in Bathroom Lake.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” I’m now reluctantly reaching for the bathroom door, with her close behind me.

“Well, um . . . I’ve been trying and trying to walk on the water the whole time, and I just can’t do it. I’m really sorry, Daddy. I believed I could do it with God’s help, but I can’t — and I’m really sorry.”

With profound silence, I looked at her curious little face and hoped for a routine word ...

... But all I had to offer this time was a hug — one I couldn’t let go of without a little extra help from above.

Help me, Father. Just one thought that gently brought the next one:

Anything is possible with Me, but not everything is useful to Me. Peter only walked after I said, “Come.” 

“Sweet girl,” I said on the heels of that thought, “it is possible for you to walk on water, but only if it’s something God wants you to do. Did He tell you to walk on the water?”

“No, Daddy, He didn’t. I just wanted to.”

Before I could finish that brilliant thought, though, she was on to the next subject.

It doesn't matter if I have the best intentions or the worst intentions. It doesn't matter if my end goal is selfish or if I want it to work for His glory. If it isn't His will, I will ultimately fail.

I can tell God I want to make a relationship work, I want to write a book,

I want to grow my company into something huge in His name,

I want to bring people to Him with the story He's given me

I want to teach teen moms their self worth and help them

break free from the negative patterns in their lives,

I want to walk on water.

The reason why doesn't matter.

Whether trying to bring glory to my name or His.

None of what "I want" means anything...

If I don't first listen for Him to say "Come..."

And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

~Matthew 14:29

The words don't matter

I do some of my best praying while I'm scrubbing a floor on my hands and knees. Prayer doesn't just make the time go faster, it gives me an even more precise sense of purpose for the task at hand. I'm not just scrubbing a floor, I'm asking God to be present, however He is needed, in that home.

I encourage all of my employees to pray for each of the families they serve. My hope is that, if and when they do so, they will be blessed by what happens in their lives as well as the lives of the families they serve.

If I have cleaned your house, I have prayed for you.

One day this week though, my prayers for one client didn't go as usual...

She greeted me with a teary smile. She had a scary newly diagnosed health problem with no answers yet. Just waiting. A little teary myself, I gave her a hug and told her I would be praying for her... and went about my routine.

As I scrubbed the kitchen floor and started praying, I knew I hadn't quite said what I was supposed to. I wasn't supposed to pray for her. She needed someone to pray WITH her. I continued to clean and pray, all the while thinking, maybe I could come up with something else. Surely I can't just come out and ask her if I can pray for her... and do it... right there in the living room. What if she says no? Maybe I'll send her a card... or just give her an extra hug on the way out.

To be honest, I wasn't worried that she would be offended. I knew she wouldn't say no. Which means I would have to pray for her, out loud, where I could be heard, and where she might hear me stumble over my words, misquote a Biblical reference, say the wrong thing, mostly just mess it up...

As I was getting ready to leave she again brought up her fear of what might happen... and I knew I had to.

The prayer wasn't long. I asked for peace and healing for her and knowledge for the doctors and thanked Him for being in control of the situation even when it seems like nobody is. Then I gave her one more hug, and I left for my next house.

I always have two worries when it comes to praying out loud. First of all is the fear that if someone hears me pray they will hear the mistakes and the stumbles and the way my mind works faster than my mouth and how I confuse myself, forgetting to say things I should and repeating things I've already said. The second fear is just that general fear of unworthiness... who am I to be praying for others?

But as I was driving away, a thought occurred to me. The prayer that had just been said in that house had very little to do with my words... it had very little to do with me at all.

God used me to remind her that she is loved and He is in control.

When it comes to prayer, the way the words came out aren't important. The words themselves are not important. The people are important, those who are willing to do as He asks and those they are ministering to. The obedience is important. The love is important. The faith is important.

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these.” ~Mark 12:30-31

I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law? Of course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ. ~Galatians 3:5

~Mark Batterson

Loving Our Kids is Hard Sometimes...

Recently I spoke to my church's mom group, RC WOW, about how loving our kids means disciplining them. I would love to share it with more of you, so I thought I would type it up and post it. Feel free to leave comments.

I will be the first to tell you that I am no expert in the area of child-rearing. I've learned a lot of what I know through trial and error. As you'll read, even those results aren't conclusive. Still, I know how much it can help to know that there are other parents out there, going through the same struggles.

The love that I am talking about here is not the connection most people feel to their babies. It isn't the empathetic tears we get when they cry or the automatic smile we get when they laugh. Love is a verb. Love is something we do for them in spite of what we want to do or what would be easiest for us to do. Love is discipline.

The verse I was given to speak about was Proverbs 31:28. 

"Her children arise up and call her blessed..." 

I have to tell you, I have always believed that if we went back to some of the early manuscripts of Proverbs, we would see that someone left a word out in translation. That word is EVENTUALLY. Because, let face it, if the children arise in the morning and call me blessed, I am in the wrong house! My first clue isn't even the blessed. It says they arise. There is no mention of dragging them out of bed kicking and screaming and whining and moaning.

 I decided to do a little research.

Strong's Concordance defines the Hebrew version of Arise that is used in the this verse means "to be established" or to "take a stand." In other words, when her children grow up, when they become established, they will look back on their mom and call her blessed.

So let me start off by saying, YES our goal is for them to call us blessed... eventually. To get there we need to love them... and part of the way we do this is through our discipline.

Proverbs 13:24 (NLT) says, "Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them."

What love means is different for every child. Raising them to grow into the people God wants them to be takes a lot of tough love, but "tough" is different for each child. It is rarely easy.

By the time I got to child number four, I had the trip through the grocery store without whining down. Every child had thrown fits at some point. Every child had been dealt with the same way. When they started to throw a crying fit in the store, I told them they couldn't act like that with me. I then left them standing there and walked away.  

I would get no more than 20 feet before the howling had turned into sniffles and they were walking with me again through the store. They were not only scared to be without me, but also not happy about the looks they were getting from strangers.

Not number four. Lauren and I were walking through Hy-Vee when she was three or four and she started throwing a fit. I tried to use the same strategy I had used with the others. I was about fifteen feet away when I turned around and saw her, flanked by three strangers who were asking her if she was okay and glaring at me. One of them attempted to buy her candy! Lauren was not only, not afraid of strangers, but she was instantly thriving on the attention.

I'd love to say this was an isolated incident, but it has happened again and again… even as recently as last summer. Strangers are drawn to my youngest when she cries. 

One day last summer I did something rare and took all of the kids inside a fast food restaurant. They all started arguing, so I told everyone to get back in the van before an order had even been placed. They were shocked. 

Lauren started sobbing on the way out the door and a woman coming in squatted down to Lauren's level and started trying to get her to stop. Then Lauren managed to get out that I wasn't letting them have any food. That's when I got that look that I have come to know so well. The other kids were mortified that I was making them leave the restaurant without ordering. and even more embarrassed that I told a stranger on the way out the door. Lauren was soaking in the attention.

What would have been the easiest thing to do in the Wendy's situation? I could have just gone ahead and ordered and glared at them all through dinner. Disapproval will honestly affect one of my four. The other three would have been un-phased. Lauren, obviously needs to be disciplined in a way that does not garner her any attention from strangers.

Instead we left. They continued to fight in the car about whose fault it was that we left. So, while I showed some grace and went through the drive-thru when they were finally repentant (and frankly, it was my birthday, which is the reason we went out), our evening out was over.

Ecclesiastes 8:11 says, "When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, people’s hearts are filled with schemes to do wrong."

While many people will debate actual punishments and methods for discipline, the Bible shows how God used three main steps when loving His children through discipline.

Loving Our Kids Means.

1. Telling them the rules

2. Telling them the consequences

3. Sticking to those consequences

It's hard. But God gave us this example right in the beginning of the Bible.

He told Adam and Eve that if they ate the fruit from the tree they would die. They did. He didn't say, "I know I told you. Why didn't you listen? Lets have a time-out and then you can come back and try again." He kicked them out of the garden. He immediately made them accept the consequences for what they had done.

My older two children have their own cell phones.  They both got them when they turned 11. They are smartphones, but when they received them we also gave them a long set of rules and consequences that went along with the responsibility of keeping a phone. These include making it clear that they could have to hand over their phone for inspection at any time and that texting history/browsing history would be verified with the phone bill/known usage to make sure things weren't being periodically deleted before we saw them.

Just before my oldest turned 15, her father checked her phone and found some questionable emails from a boy as well as some texts to someone she wasn't supposed to be talking to. He called me and we made a decision. Alexandra immediately lost her phone and internet access indefinitely.

Did I want her to have a phone? Very much so. As a single mom, it was hard on me for her not to have one. We did not have a home phone, and as my babysitter that summer, it was difficult to communicate at times. She also wanted to be involved in school activities, but it means planning way in advance if she needed a ride home or if she would be gone while she was supposed to babysitting for me. Their father uses the phones to stay in touch with the children as well. It was hard to get a hold of them at times. Still, my ex-husband and I stuck to our decision and made her earn it back by showing that she could be respectful and follow the rules. It took 7 months for her to get her phone back. It took several more months for her to earn back her iPhone apps. She didn't have access to an internet browser for almost a year.

Taking the phone away and sticking to it was hard. But we proved that we love her over our own inconveniences.

Your challenge this next week is to 1.) Find the place where setting a boundary for your child is hard for you. Something that it is easier to ignore than to deal with. Something that you have let slide 1000 times, but something that you know will make them a better person if they learn the boundary.

You can’t all of the sudden come down on them with a sledgehammer. But saying “I’m not going to tolerate --- anymore. The next time you do it, this will be the consequence, no matter what.” in ONE new area is fair.

The second part of that challenge is 2.) Pray that God shows you the areas where you need to love your children more in this way, so that they can grow up to be the people He wants them to be. This is not easy. 

Remember that you asked God to show you, but you can't tell Him HOW to show you. So, when your mother-in-law says, "It drives me crazy seeing him get away with that." or your best friend says, "She shouldn't be talking to you like that." don't get angry or frustrated with them. Take it as an answer to your prayer for direction and do something about it!

We do want our children to eventually arise up and call us “blessed” … but sometimes, for today, we have to be okay with growling, grumbling, glaring, and an occasional declaration of "I hate you." If we do what is right, it will all work out in the end.

None of this belongs to me...

Have you checked our prices recently? Compared them with others? Wondered what we are doing differently that we can afford to charge $16 an hour to clean houses? I have an answer for you!

Yes, I do know that many local companies charge as much as double our current $16 an hour rate.... and still pay their employees the same or worse than Hire A Housewife. So if I could make more money doing the same job, why wouldn't I try?

Honestly, this isn't about the money.

Yes, I definitely want to be able to support myself and my children, and I love that I can employ women who need the work and help them support their families... but what I really love is dealing on a day-to-day basis with people that Jesus loves. (Yes, you.)

He did not give me this company so that I could get as rich as possible as quickly as possible.

He did not give me this company so it could be just another cleaning company.

He gave me this company so that we could serve you... 

I know that there are families that we serve who could not afford more than the $16 an hour that we charge right now... And even at that, some who can't afford a visit more than once a month. We are perfectly okay with that... we understand where you are and we want to serve you.

I also know that their families that we serve who could afford more than $16 an hour... and I think that's great. I always want to encourage those people that if they feel like an excellent job is being done at their home to go ahead and tip the housewife who has come out... that money goes directly to her family not to the company... which is another reason I keep prices low... so that you can feel free to tip if you want to and KNOW exactly where that money is going.

Hire A Housewife is about serving people in a friendly and loving way that honors Jesus and brings joy into your home... and I know that cringing when you write a check does not bring anyone joy... even if you're appreciative of the work done.

I may be new to the art of being a business owner, I can say with confidence that God would not have given me a business if I couldn't run it and honor Him at the same time.

Every payment is on the books. Taxes are being paid. I'm even tithing off of our profits. Do I tell you that so that you can give me a pat on the back? Absolutely not... I am telling you all of that because it is important to me that you know that my goal is to honor God with all that He has given me.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.                                                                          Colossians 3:23

Nothing Says "I Love You" Like...

I'll be honest here, I have a weak stomach. Many of my friends can attest to their own giggle fits while they say things that make me gag... sometimes even running to the next room with my hands covering my ears and humming loudly so I can't hear or think about what they are saying... so I'm trying to sensitive to the fact that others might be too...

I tried to look up appropriate euphemisms  for this topic... bad idea. So, don't worry... just keep reading... you'll get the idea.

You know that helpless feeling you have when someone you love is sick? I don't mean with the sniffles... I mean the sickness... cramps, nausea, um and you know... that comes with being pregnant... or having the stomach flu... or worse, chemo and radiation...

You just want to know what you can do to help, right?

I can tell you this: Sticking your head in the bathroom and asking "What can I do to help?" while someone is trying to fight nausea... is not the way to go.

There is one thing that you can do. I learned this lesson a long time ago, and have used it and shared it many times... always with great results.

Nothing says "I love you" like giving them the ability to do what they need to do in a CLEAN toilet. Seriously. That's it. That is the big secret.

I had terrible nausea with all four of my children. I even had to be hospitalized at one point with my son. There were times when I would be so sick that I would literally lay down on the bathroom floor after one wave passed to wait for the next one to come... and rumor has it, I'm not alone.

When my kids have the flu, the first thing I do is go scrub the toilet (and then pray they make it in there!)

P.S. Cleaning the inside is important! But don't forget to use a couple spritzes of Windex and wipe down the outside too!